


Number Three

by CarpeDiemForLife



Series: The Loneliest Number [3]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:47:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26056702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarpeDiemForLife/pseuds/CarpeDiemForLife
Summary: All of the Hargreeves children know what it is to be lonely. It claims them each in different ways and at different times, but loneliness is the family's constant companion.--Series of ficlets examining the loneliness of each character. Third: Allison.
Series: The Loneliest Number [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1885654
Comments: 10
Kudos: 16





	Number Three

Allison suffered from the most frightening kind of loneliness—a loneliness known only to gods. The result of doubting reality itself, of being the only _real thing_ in all of Creation, the world and its inhabitants mere pawns to feed her own ravenous conceit.

There was no food nor nectar in the universe that could fill her hunger faster than her loneliness could carve a deeper hole.

As a child, she escaped this feeling. She did not see. She did not yet understand that a world rumored to fit her desires necessarily precluded all possibility of sincerity. Of truth.

Then she left home. She encountered the world, on her own, cut off from her family.

Time and time again she watched a pair of eyes turn milky, an expression turn blank. _No payment required. – The job is yours. – You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. – So sorry to have bothered you, ma’am, you’re free to go. – I’ve never loved her the way I love you._ Take it. Take this, take that, take anything you wish. Each time, she smiled and congratulated herself on her cleverness. Her success. Everyone in the world utilized their skills to get ahead, she was no different. She was just luckier than most.

[ _Wow, Allison, that’s great!_ Luther said, all genuine enthusiasm and feeling. _Your first starring role. I knew they’d see you were the best person for the part._

_Ha, yeah_ , she said, forcing a smile that he couldn’t see over the phone.

Of course she was the best person for it. Of course they saw that too. Just like Luther did.

It was the same, wasn’t it?]

The world loved her. The world was right to love her. She basked in the attention, never wanting for friends or admirers.

[ _You happy, sis?_ Diego asked one day. It was one of their very infrequent check-ins, and he’d just been forced out of the police academy, so she knew he was in a melancholy mood.

Still, she laughed, because what a silly question! She was famous, rich. A star in Hollywood.

_I don’t know, sounds lonely_.

How could she be lonely? She was almost never alone, and everyone who knew her loved her.

_Yeah but do they love_ you _or some idea of you? I hate every bit of celebrity that I carry around with me from the Academy. Sometimes I feel like no one ever really sees_ me _, you know? They just see some kid from a comic book. Hard to know if people actually give a shit. You’re so famous, I’d think it’d be way worse for you._

That was ridiculous, and she told him so. She didn’t feel that way. She wasn’t lonely.

Her palms were sweaty when she slammed down the receiver.]

What Diego said made no sense to her. Celebrity had never affected her that way. People treated her the same way they always had.

The same way they always had.

Allison thought back to her childhood. Her brothers and sister had loved her, hadn’t they? In the strange, tense way that one loves a friend who is also a competitor. Wasn’t that real? Outside of training, she’d only ever used her powers on them for petty things, after all. No different than how the rest of them flaunted their powers. Nothing to force their affection. They loved her as she was.

Unless they didn’t, and they simply knew better than to show it for fear she’d rumor them into loving her anyways.

Unless she already had and didn’t remember.

Could she rumor herself into forgetting her own rumors?

Allison began to doubt. Her grip on reality grew tenuous, the space of her thoughts a dark spiral. Was love still love if she compelled it into existence? When Patrick looked at her in longing, was that his own or was it _her_ longing reflected back at her? Was he real? Had her interference made a once-real man now nothing more than a facsimile of one? Had she unstitched the reality of every person whose mind she’d ever touched? Did anything truly exist outside of herself? If not, then what was the harm in what she did? But then what, too, was the point?

No. No. She’d never directly touched the minds of her millions of fans, yet they still loved her, still enjoyed her movies. There must be some truth in all of it. Some truth in the world.

Wasn’t there?

Allison needed to know. So she did something foolish, or perhaps very smart.

She flew home, meeting Luther at Griddy’s Doughnuts, knowing better than to set foot in her old home, inside the threshold of her father’s influence.

_What’s going on?_ he asked. She hadn’t explained herself over the phone, only told him she was coming and needed to see him.

Lip trembling, Allison said, _I heard a rumor… that none of my rumors still hold sway over you._

His eyes went milky white and a tear dropped from one of hers.

Blue eyes blinked and a wrinkle settled on his brow. He looked as distressed as she felt. She braced herself.

Luther reached across the table and took her hand. _Allison, please_ , he said, voice breaking. _Tell me what’s wrong. I’ll fix it._

In those three words, she heard three others. With a sob of relief, she threw herself across the booth and clung to him, the weight of his hands on her back grounding her to the earth.

A floodlight turned inward, illuminating feelings tucked so far away that she’d never even acknowledged their existence: a dissociative fear of the world, and a gnawing loneliness so deep and dark that she wondered it had not yet driven her insane.

From then on, she resolved to do better. Be better. Eventually she swore to give up rumor-ing forever, after seeing the toll it took on her family. Changing old habits was difficult, but truthfully, she didn’t mind the work it took. It was time to leave behind loneliness.

Time to give up being a god and live among mortals instead.

**Author's Note:**

> I swear these aren't just going to get progressively longer each time xD This one got a little out of hand. Allison has a lot of baggage, fam. I'm more emo about her than I realized.
> 
> Let me know what you thought!


End file.
